Credit where it is due

I know that is an unusual heading but as I said, I believe in giving credit when it is due.
Had asked for a training program to be conducted on Business Statistics, for the Marketing GET's of 2004, when I had attended a course on Stats that was raped by the Old men who couldn't understand a word. Suprisingly, the HR responded immediately, asked me to draw up a course and have now sent me the dates for the course. Of course, after the course, the bitching begins as I do not think any of the training would be allowed to be put to use. Anyhow thats a different story.............
On a side note, HR have also sent me a note on 360 ratings. Apparently am supposed to rate my boss, confidentially. Will be doing so on Monday. (Read this imagining in the background sardonic and evil laughter).

- Hari

The youth shall prevail - I mean after 20 years of experience

It is lovely to hear corporates talk of employees as their asset and go on to tell us how important their youth are etc. Unfortunately corporate talk and reality seldom match. Empowerment of the youth, need for fresh ideas etc are lovely to hear. Unfortunately between the youth of the company and the well meaning top management come a strata of paranoid mediocrity - the middle management. These are the people who have invariably started their career with the company; got their promotions by default - not by design, and have glued their backseats to their well-cushioned chairs. Top management's visions mean to them (rightly or wrongly) - a loss of power and the push of people who at least IQ wise pose immense challenges to them. You can almost see their thought processes - the paranoia of giving up power accumlated with tenacity over the years - a destruction of their self created comfort zone - and above all the mega question - if you allow these youngsters to perform and start giving them promotions on merit instead of seniority (like he got his), at least for middle management anarchy would prevail. The end result - most manufacturing houses in the private sector today have public sector mindsets . So, where does this leave the "future of tomorrow"? The answer is very simple - as frustrated and impotent executives who are merely glorified clerks. And the end result - no matter what your visions and missions are - a total corporate castration.

- Hari

MD rewords CFT

"we will form teams of young ppl below 35 and they will be co-ordinated by managers.They will come up with ideas to better the company and will implement them.they will even participate in policy and budgetary decisions"
--MD
ppl below 35 essentially means ppl below the rank of manager(that was the rule for a CFT formation) and has to be co-ordinated by managers(rule for CFT formation)

nice HR gimmick.

- Sapta

comment

employee utlization of company-5 to 10%

i work in the so called humble exec cadre of my comp.daily cost to company=1000 to 1100.
typical work profile(16/1/06)
->morn get up at 8
->call up boss at 8:15
->ask if there is some specific work(reply no--why the hell is he employing me????)
->i tell him i have some work in a far away place(he agrees--he has no other option)
->get back to bed.(awake at 9.get out by 9:30--OK...OK...Guilty consc. seeps in by then)
->draw money 4m ATM.(have a Rs 40 breakfast...u only geta cup of coffee for something less than that)
->after paying the bill...feel like sucking money out of the company.
->buy a newspaper...board a bus...1 1/2 journey...open up a novel and start reading
->reach dest by 11:30.
->get all his complaints.....feel so bad for him....make empty promises to him(u bloody well know ur boss is going to fuck u up)(productive work--30 min)
-->get out of depot...light a cig and take a auto to stn....stand in queue for 15 min.....sweltering heat---do some birdwatching.......luckily empty train.....go get a seat.....open up the novel....good luck...cute chick in opposite seat
->ph call 4m colleague change in plans....start reading novel again
->get down at Thane...have lunch(Rs 57-masala rice and coke,Rs 3 tips)
->take auto to depot(share auto)...breaks down midway...walk a Km to depot
->royal welcome atleast by depot mgr.....inspect the bus....find no prob with maint.......blabber something about eng. coolant quality to look intelligent.....promise to return after dismantling engine...have a cup of cutting chai with the babu's...collect a letter and return to Thane by auto.
->work done in depot(45 min(along with chai- time))
->call up boss and tell him status--he is happy i have travelled so much today(what a manager)
->come back to Thane Stn.Watch the Ind-Pak match from a showroom window(405-0)(what a match!!!!!!!!)
->get into bus...start reading the novel)
->reach home by 5:15
->employee time utilization---15%
->go to sleep...get up when my room-mate rings me up at 7:00(and says he starting for home 4m dealer...sincere bugger)
->come to sify-iway



comment please-

- Sapta

Stay Late.....We Did Too

I never got the rationale behind that one. Just because these idiots got wedded to their company does not mean that everyone else is. In today's era the slogan is to Work Smart, not Work Hard. And considering the work we do I simply do not see how it affects us if we leave the office at 5:30 instead of 8.
Here are some of the worst pieces of blarney I have heard by some of my Idiot managers.

• I am coming to work even though I am on leave / on LTA (React - Screw you - Thats your call. Stop trying to give others a guilt conscience)
• (And after coming to work on leave) Not much work there today, think I'll leave a bit early (React - You could have stayed at home dickhead)
• Imagine you're in the battlefield (React - Fuck you and fuck your imagination)
• When I was a young man like you I stayed till 12 pm every day (React - Yes you did, you pestilinial idiot, but only so that I need not)
• You ought to show some initiative (This was when I asked my boss for a customers phone number, a couple of days after joining the dapartment) (React - Duh???)
• I leave at 11 pm daily. Why don't you? (React - I have a life. You don't.)
• (Calling up at 10 pm on my land line) Are you in your house? I'm working you know. (React - Call your wife instead of me. Have any idea what she's doin' btw??)

These are some of the most inane incomptent statements I have heard by my managers. Have no idea how these kind of buffoons rose to managerial levels. A personal note to any of the assclowns who might have accidentally stumbled upon this post - Take your VRS and get the F out. Thank you.

- Hari

Oh My god! Thats just my thought... Please read this in continuation to the previous blog:
Exactly what do you think is the mechanism behind this 'hiring youth for fresh ideas' ??
Let me do an indepth analysis:

Ok, So here is your typical Indian Manufacturing Industry (Sorry, we would love to bring software into the pic. but i guess its out of 'portions'....not enuf experience to dissect s/w firms..)
There is the big guy - the M.D.....he's a 'forin' return... educated abroad and inherited the family business... Then the rest of the top management (some of them see ONLY wat the MD sees - its safer that way) some of whom genuinely share the MD s ideas.... Thn there is the middle management, insecure, not too young (actually another euphemism - to put it bluntly 'just old') and not too bright either, ppl who are staying here cos they cant get jobs anywhere else..... ppl who ofcourse helped bring the company up (ppl like these are around every corner - their std dialogues- rather monologues wud be 'When we were of your age do u know how much time we used to spend at office??')

Now, lets hear a meeting routine - a meeting with the HR (ya... my next blog is about the uselessness of being HR personnel)

MD: Ok, Lets get down to business guys. Lots of vacancies here.... we need more people..... youngsters are what we need for fresh ideas - (Tamizh la sollanumna 'Namma veettu ottadai adthavan kannukku thaan theriyum... my boss says this often!)

HR: Yes Sir, (std openings) We were jst discussing our vacancies.. lots of them are in the line of 'Production' and quite a few in 'Purchase', 'Sales'......

MD: Hmm... ok.... go round up freshers man... they're easier to cultivate than experienced ppl.....

HR: Yes sir..... We have made a list of the colleges - Here sir, take a look at these (passing the list)

MD: Cool it man, I dont wanna see all these things.. Thats your job!! (sheesh) Hmm...ok.. make sure the colleges are top ranked.... make sure the students are all brilliant... we dont want any dumbsters

HR: Yes sir....

So then thats final... Now these ppl come to the colleges..... they take only the so called 'best' candidates... (anyway... thats another blog topic - whtr brains are related to marks..?')
They pose tough technical questions (tough cos the person throwin them doesnt know the answers.. eh he ) and then after much deliberation theyve chosen their 15 candidates....
Joining dates are given.... and then.. lo behold! wat do we see... on the date of joining only 8 show up...... luckily the remaining had other bettr options.... and theyve run away!!! (First face loss for HR)

Now, lets see wat v have here.... bright young minds eager to learn and understand (something they cudnt do in college...) Training period is over and they're posted.....

Scene 1:

Bright Young Trainee: Sir, Why is this happening like this - Isnt there a better way to do it? Cant you touch your nose with your finger by just lifting your hand? Why do you have to take it around your head??

Boss: Eh heh.. I ve been here for 25 years.... We also used to touch our noses like that only in the beginning... But lt me tell you that wont work out... We are now in a competitive business.. this is te only way to do it.....

Already FusedOut Young Trainee: Y sir??

Boss: Eh... You find that out.... (Aside to his bum chum) - Can you believe they're paying this kid 15,000!! What a waste..... Asking me to touch my nose directly!! ha ha.... (Echoes of his friend laffing along with him)....

Exit Trainee....

First Battle Lost For Trainee.....

Many more battles to go......

End of which Trainee WINS - 'RESIGNATION'!!!!

Now what do u think is the logic behind this??

Y take up youngsters, waste money on training them? Simply cos there s no clarity in the management's thinking... whats seen by the big guys is not seen by the insecure 'middlemen'... (the word fits perfectly!!) The big boss expects results... fast ones....ideas.. and he might be willin to experiment..... but then the immediate boss cannot digest the fact that his subordinate is actually giving ideas that could be practical....But instead of looking at it this way, why cant they think objectively??- Obviously the youngster is giving ideas ONLY cos he's fresh - we all know that a fresh mind works better than a dull one.. thats y the kid who was class first in ukg will NEVER be a topper in XII std.. he he - Now, it should rather dawn on the manager that his role is to DEVELOP these ideas... doesnt matter that he is not able to think them up... he is someone who has a 'hen that lays golden eggs'.... all he has to do is make sure its laying some eggs... thats it.... The characteristic of a good manager is 'Work Delegation'...... He neednt DO anything.. he shud know WHO CAN DO WHAT!!!!

So my suggestion wud be - Train your middle management first to accept youngsters... and then ask for the youth.... Dont kill them with your conflicting organisational set up....!!!!

- Chandri

The Youth

Am absolutely sick of hearing that we are " the future of our company", "future leaders" etc. I have no idea why companies talk so much about youth power and end up giving their so called future mere responsibility without authority. It seems to me that in most companies (correct me if i'm wrong) it is a host of superannuated idiots who ought to have got the boot a long time ago, in charge of the decision making process. And after talking so much about the future, to let graduates do tasks that could be performed by mental midgets is aggravating. To add insult to injury my company decides to hold a youth forum designed to create "a platform" for the youth of our company, at around the same time a 60 year old manager is given his FOURTH freakin' extension. And to see the " youth" respond enthusiastically by sucking up to our esteemed leaders backsides...........god.........feel like retching!!. O Tempora!! O Mores!!

- Hari

Ignoring People....Is it Fashionable??

Am wondering what the deal is with 'pretending' to not recognise people you've known all your life (Fact of the matter is I already started writing a blog on this subject and somehow its got lost in this confounded jungle of various thoughts...If any of u are able to locate my blog please be kind enuf to NOT copy the original ideas... he he...)

Case 1 : That of the 'Jatti' Pal

Yeah.. there s this kid living next door and you practically grew up with him/her... But sad story, the kid didnt grow up to be as hip as you.... so when u meet them at parties (where you r hanging out with ure cool stud, beer sipping, girl hugging friends) you just look the other way.....

Case 2 : That of the 'not so great looking' acquaintance

Ok... this is the case of the person that you meet occasionally at a theatre (when ure with ure gang of friends) Why is it that they have to be introduced EVERY single time to you and yet you act like you havent even seen them...?

Case 3 : That of the 'great looking' soon to be 'best' friend

So you meet this cool chick/dude somewhere... Now you have to immediately rack your brain and find some link .... ('Here s a sample convo:
'Enga paatti kuchalambaal um unga paatti nagavalli yum orre school kku ponaangalaam!!!'.....ya.. i know thats the height of 'bondings..' still i wanted to drive the point home)

The question is - Is it fashionable??
I mean... I am a person with JUST GREAT MEMORY! I can just about remember EVERY person (with name details) I have met so far.. and I can even tell you when and where I met them.... But to be frank I sometimes dont say 'hi' to the snobby things that pretend to not remember.... It seems it looks like you had nothing else to do during the interim period of your meeting.....??!!

Anyway... to me its a great thing to have such good memory... I would look t it as a credit rather than some kind of shameful feeling....? Isnt it great to say that u know so many diff kinds of ppl??? Wat does it matter whether they dress up in last yr's fashions r not?? (anyway lets face it... in terms of technology we're still taking discards, referring to 10 yr old 'vogues' (watever the equivalent to that is in techno world)

- Chandhrika

Velcome Venom

For those of you who are wondering what this is all about... This is a blogspot dedicated entirely to the honorable activity of 'bitching'... This will be used by us to pour out all our malicious comments on things (including humans), events etc etc...

With malice towards all and charity towards none.......